


Transgender Dysphoria Blues

by orphan_account



Series: Everybody's Queer! [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gabe Is An Asshole, Gen, Please Don't Hate Me, Trans Character(s), petekey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 21:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4152858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Pete and Mikey aren't gay for eachother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Transgender Dysphoria Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [action-cat (clytemnestras)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clytemnestras/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Asleep Against The Window Pane](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3581883) by [action-cat (clytemnestras)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clytemnestras/pseuds/action-cat). 



Pete grinned as she spun around in the mirror, her skirt twirling around her.

She had scoured her closet for the perfect outfit, settling on a leather jacket, a blouse she took from her mother, and a skirt she had bought in secret.

She was getting ready to go to a concert with her boyfriend and tonight was the night that she would tell him that's she's a girl.

It's not like she was born in the wrong body, some parts just don't fit right.

She knew Gabe would accept her for a fact. She knew Gabe would buy her pretty clothes and skirts.

When Gabe pulled up to her house she skipped down the stairs, her parents weren't home, they were at some fancy dinner party, which meant she could be herself.

She opened the door and Gabe's jaw dropped.

"Babe, you look-"

"Fantastic?"

"I was gonna say slutty, but both work in my eyes." He winked.

She blushed.

"So what's with the cross dressing?" He asked.

"I'll tell you later."

"Later?"

"After the concert."

They got in the car and Gabe told her some shitty stories about his shitty band while she fake laughed.

When they pulled up to the venue, her heart was already thumping in her chest.

She knew that Gabe would introduce her as his boyfriend and she knew that her dysphoria would get there soon and that this night wouldn't be enjoyable.

Te band kicked off their set with a cover of Desolation Row by Bob Dylan, and then launched into six songs of their own.

Pete had her eyes on the bassist the entire time his eyes were a solid green color, enticing pulling her in.

The show ended and she and Gabe left after everyone else had cleared out, an while they were waiting for the roads to clear up, she decided it was time.

"Do you still want that explanation?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, uh, I'm kind of, a-"

"Drag queen?"

"No. Uh, a girl."

"Bullshit. I've personally seen your dick."

"No, not like, biologically. I'm a girl, like, in my head, and that's what I want to be physically."

"Guys can't be girls." Gabe said blankly.

"I'm not a guy."

"You're disgusting."

"Don't- please."

Gabe raised his fist and punched her in the face.

"You are a disgrace. A disgrace. You're lucky that I loved you in the first place." He spat.

He grabbed her wrist and pinned her against the wall.

She twisted out of his grip, trying to get away from him.

"If you ever need someone to show you how to be a real man, you know where I live."

With that, he punched her again and got in his car, driving away to his home.

She began to cry at the pain in her nose and eye and she heard a voice call from behind her.

"You okay, doll?"

This was when rain started to pour down.

She covered her head and wiped her nose on her jacket, but it wouldn't stop bleeding.

The person picked her up and carried her while attempting to slow the bleeding in her nose.

"What happened?"

"I came out to my boyfriend."

"Oh, doll. We need to get you fixed up, get you some ice."

The chain around his neck slung while he carried her down the street, and his heavy boots clinched on the floor.

"You gonna make it there?" He asked.

She shrugged to the best of her abilities and leaned into the warmth of his arms.

When they pulled up to a large house, she was expecting something gruesome to happen to her, when in fact she was taken into a warm fire and an open home.

"Who are you?" She muttered.

"Mikey."

She heard a man's voice come from down the hall.

"Mikey?"

"I'm home. Made a small detour on the way though."

The other person looked down at her, laying on the couch with her nose bleeding all over.

"Who is she?"

"I didn't get her name, I was too busy getting her here safely. I've been in her situation before, let me help her."

"'M name's Pete." She muttered.

"Her nose hasn't stopped bleeding, Gee."

"We need to take her to the E.R."

"Alright."

They took her out to Gerard's shitty car and got in, Mikey and Pete in the backseat, Gerard driving.

"You're gonna be alright, doll." Mikey muttered in her ear.

Gerard drove as fast as he could to get to the Emergency Room, and soon they found out Pete's nose was broken.

They had to contact her parents, of course.

Pete's parents showed up at the hospital and instantly told her that she couldn't live with them anymore because the didn't need to the trouble of having a daughter instead of a son.

"Mom, please!" She pleaded in the parking lot

"No, and I'm not your mother." Her harsh words cut through the blackness of the night, leaving Pete in the middle of the parking lot in tears.

Mikey and Gerard took her in, taking her to their place and giving her a place to rest.

She fell asleep in Mikey's bed while they were talking and he was changing in the bathroom. Her hair fell over her eyes and her leather jacket was still tightly hugging on her body.

Mikey pulled the blanket over her, leaving her to sleep peacefully, and slid in beside her, falling asleep quickly.

She woke up to soft snoring next to her. She took a moment to examine her surroundings, seeing a bass in the corner of the room and a box marked "Do Not Open This, Gerard."

The person next to her woke up with a yawn, and she realized where she was. Mikey's room.

He sat up and looked her in the eyes.

"You sleep fine, doll?" He asked, his voice still groggy and husky from sleep.

"Yeah, what happened last night?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Uh, you kind of got in a fight with someone at the venue, we took you to the E.R, and you uh, kind of got, like, kicked out.

"Wh-"

"Your parents found out about you and they kicked you out."

"This is bullshit."

"I know."

Pete got up and looked around, walked out of the bedroom, and into the kitchen.

Gerard was sitting at the kitchen island, reading the latest issue of Fangoria and sipping from a coffee mug.

"Oh," he said, clearly startled by Pete's sudden entrance.

"Hi, Pete."

"Good morning. D'you have any food? I'm starving."

"Yeah, I'll go get Mikey real quick. I've gotta talk to him."

Gerard walked into Mikey's room where he was pulling a t-shirt on over his binder, and he turned around to look at his brother.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, it's just. I can tell you like her, and I don't want you fucking it up for yourself, alright? I don't want you two to fall in love an then break up and the each other, like what happened with-"

"I get the point. It won't happen. And I know that you're just trying to protect me, but she's so pretty. And pretty girls are always out of my league anyway, do don't worry." Mikey replied, clenching his jaw.

"Fine. Go make her some breakfast, loverboy."

"Gerard, I swear to fucking god-"

"Just do it."

Mikey followed behind him wearing only his boxers and a tshirt and got started on pancakes.

They ate in silence, until Pete brought up that she needed somewhere to stay.

"You can stay here an sleep in my room, I can set up the extra bed and stuff in the attic for me." Mikey said.

"I don't want to hassle you, so if its not too much trouble, Ill take the extra room in the attic."

"It's no problem, just stay in my room."

"But-"

"Would I make you feel better if we both stayed in my room?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

They finished eating and then Gerard announced that they had another show in two nights at a bar downtown.

"Hey, Pete, wanna go to the show?"

"Sure? If its anything like you guys played last night."

"Same sound."

"Yeah, sure."

-

In the following days, Pete became accustomed to her new home. She did the laundry, made dinner, all of the things she was used to doing at her old house.

Gerard's friend Lindsey came over, with a bag of old clothes that she grew put of.

"Lindsey! I can't believe you did this for her! You're the best!" Gerard squealed.

"Don't remind me, I already knew this, Gee."

Gerard blushed at this, and Mikey barely covered up a giggle.

-

The day Mikey confessed his feeling for her was when they were talking about music.

Se had been staying with them for four months, when Mikey decided it was time to tell her.

"Wanna see my bass?" He asked her.

"Yeah, totally. I don't have my bass anymore, it's at my parents' house."

Mikey's thoughts went from

'Oh she's adorable.'

to

'If you weren't asexual I would have my way with you on the bed, like right now.'

"Cool. I can probably pull some stings an get you a new bass. "

"You don't have to-"

"Pete, I really, really like you."

"I really like you as well." She smiled.

"No, like, like like."

"Oh. Well, uh, I guess, I kind of sort of, like like you as well. So uh, yeah."

"Okay...Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Sure."

"I need to take you on a date. A good, proper, date, with dinner."

"The fair is in town. We could go,I suppose."

"How about tomorrow night? It's your birthday then anyway."

"Yeah!"

Needless to say, that night Pete fell asleep curled up into Mikey's side.

-

Pete woke up with her head on Mikey's chest. She yawned, and quickly remembered that it was her birthday.

"Oh my god, I'm nineteen now." She muttered, and Mikey stirred beneath her.

"Hey, doll. Sleep well?"

"Yeah. You're like a body pillow." She giggled.

"Happy birthday, Miss Wentz. You're like, nineteen."

"Yeah." She smiled.

Gerard made them breakfast, birthday cake pancakes with ice cream on top.

They ate their food, and then Gerard announced that Lindsey would be taking Pete shopping for girl clothes.

"Really? Oh my god! I'm so excited!" She squealed.

Mikey announced what he would be doing for her birthday.

"So I talked to the guys, and all of our ticket sales are going towards your estrogen."

"Really? Thank you so much, I can't even begin to tell you guys how grateful I am that you picked me up."

"You deserve it, doll."

The doorbell rang, signaling Lindsey's arrival.

Gerard rushed over to let her in, and she walked in with a huge bag of boxes.

"Happy birthday, Pete!" She smiled.

"Okay, the rest of the band couldn't come, but I've got presents from everyone. " She said.

"The big box is from Jimmy, the envelope is from Steve, and the other box is from Kitty."

"Oh, doll, the rest of the band should be here soon." Mikey added.

Just on cue, Ray and Frank walked into the living room carrying boxes of their own.

Mikey walked back into the bedroom and went to his closet, grabbing the guitar case from its hiding spot on the top shelf, and came back out into the living room.

Pete had begun opening her presents, starting with the big box from Jimmy.

It was a red dress, that went to the middle of her thighs, and it had a ribbon on the back.

The gift from Steve was a $100 gift card to Hot Topic, and Kitty's gift was a coffee maker.

Mikey handed her the guitar case, and she unzipped it to see a red Fender bass with the bartheart on the bottom corner.

She grinned.

"Mikey, you shouldn't have..."

"But I did."

Next, Frank handed her a huge box with bright green wrapping paper.

She opened it to reveal a humongous makeup kit, complete with a flat iron and curling wand.

"Thank you so much!" She grinned.

Ray had gotten her a laptop, which was insane, because laptops are expensive.

Lindsey then shooed the boys to Gerard's room, and got out a lumpy package.

"Open it." She grinned.

Pete carefully removed the wrapping paper, and saw bras, breast forms and panties, and below was a $100 gift card for Victorias Secret.

"I figured all girls need a kit for when they want to look cute for their boyfriends." She smiled. "Speaking of boyfriends, what's going on with you and Mikeyway?"

"Oh....Uh, well he asked me out yesterday and he's taking me to the fair tonight." She gushed, blushing.

Little did she know that just in the next room Mikey an Gerard were talking about the same thing.

"What's going on with you and Pete?" Gerard pestered him.

"Pete and I? Uh, I asked her out last night and I'm taking her to the fair tonight."

Frank wolf-whistled from his position on the dresser.

"Shut up!" Mikey blushed.

Lindsey helped Pete bring her new things to her dresser in Mikey's room, in the closet.

"You guys can come out now!" She called as they walked to the living room.

The boys walked out as Pete and Lindsey left for the mall.

-

They returned to the Way's home shortly after three, and Mikey's jaw dropped when he saw her.

Lindsey had gotten her extensions and done her makeup, and Pete was wearing the dress Jimmy had bought her.

The only thing wrong with the picture was that Pete was clearly biting back tears.

"Hey, doll. You okay?"

Pete shook her head and threw herself into Mikey's arms.

He led her to their room and she lay on the bed, curled up and crying.

"What happened?"He asked.

"I saw my parents at the mall. They snarled at me, and they were just dicks to me and it ruined my birthday." She muttered.

"Want me to cuddle with you, doll?" Mikey asked.

"Can we go to the attic?" She asked.

"Want me to set up the bed stuff?"

"Please?"

Mikey carried her up the stairs to the attic and grabbed the sheets from the hall closet. He put the sheets and blankets on the bed and went back down to get pillows from his bed.

Pete sat criss-cross in front of the vinyl that Mikey and Gerard had collected.

She picked out her favorite record by The Smiths, 'Louder Than Bombs' and put it on the turntable.

Mikey came in and picked her up, carrying her to the bed.

"What happened, doll?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"Ill be right back, Mikes. Just changing into something more comfortable. "

"Alright."

She walked down the stairs and stopped in the kitchen to talk to Lindsey.

"Can you clear the boys out? I kind of want to, uh, try on my new clothes." She stuttered.

"Yeah, sure." She smiled. "Hey, boys! We're going out for lunch!"She yelled, and Frank came out on Ray's back while Gerard chased them.

"Bye, Pete. Good luck!" She called behind her.

Mikey walked into the closet and looked at the bags she had put in there.

She put on her breast forms and a dark blue lacy bra. She put on a matching pair of panties and grabbed one of Mikey's big shirts.

Mikey was wandering around in the kitchen, waiting for her, and she walked out of their room.

Mikey's jaw went slack when he saw her.

"Pete, you look so-"

"So what?"

"Gorgeous."

Pete blushed under the dim lights of the kitchen.

"Did Lindsey buy you these things?"

"Yeah."

"You look hot in my clothes."

"Thanks."

Mikey grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs to the attic.

Pete muffled a giggle as Mikey tickled her on the bed.

"Stop! Mikey! I'm gonna pee!" She squealed.

"Fine! I give up!" Mikey laughed.

He began to leave a trail of kisses down her jaw to her neck and Pete squirmed underneath him.

"C'mon, doll. They're just kisses."

"No they're not, they're hick-ies!" She squealed, her voice catching in her throat as Mikey began to suck a small mark on her Adam's apple.

"Mikey, stop." She warned, "Gerard's gonna see 'em and tease me."

"Fine, doll." He smirked.

"Thanks. Now where was I with this?" She asked, trailing her hand down Mikey's arm.

"Stop, Gee's gonna see them. Whereas, on my stomach..."

"Mikes! You never take your shirt off, I'm not gonna force you." She whispered.

"I'm not going to."

"Alright. Can we just lay here? All day?" She asked him.

"We can. We have nothing to do today."

They lay there all day, until eventually Pete fell asleep on Mikey's chest under the stream of moonlight coming from the window.

-

One day Pete came home from hanging out with Lindsey, and Gerard and Mikey were yelling at each other on the couch.

"You have to!" Gerard kept yelling.

"I can't! Do you not understand?" Mikey yelled back.

She had never seen him this angry, he was flustered, and biting back tears of frustration.

She looked him in the eyes as he turned around, and he muttered something with an exasperated sigh, and went to their bedroom.

-

Pete's lips tasted of cherry lip gloss and green tea. Her skin tasted of sweat and expensive perfume. She knew these things, as Mikey pointed them out everyday.

The day the flavor of her lips changed, Mikey knew the seasons had.

It changed to matte lipstick and pumpkin lattes on the first of October.

Three days later, it changed again. Black coffee. There was no other taste besides it. She only drank black coffee when she was trying to focus, and her focusing meant she was trying to get his attention.

He took her out on a date to the movies, to see some horror movie that he'd mocked the trailer for. The trailer has given her the creeps, and she couldn't sleep that night.

He, in fact, loved her when she was scared and how she clung to his arm.

They were sat in the seats and a clown came on the screen. She clung to his arm, digging her nails in, and he stifled a laugh.

He drove her back to their place, and they giggled on the way to their bedroom, Pete barely able to keep her black coffee red-stained lips off of her boyfriend.

They were cuddling, and lazily making out, when Mikey decided he needed to tell her.

He broke off the kiss.

"Pete, we need to talk."

"Fuck, did I do something?"

"No, I need to tell you about something."

"Okay."

"When I was fourteen, I tried to kill myself."

"Why? What happened?"

"I- I just- I'm-"

"Shh, it's alright, Mikey. You can tell me. Don't cry."

"I'm-" He choked out tears, and began to lift his shirt up, revealing his binder.

"I'm trans."

"It's alright, Mikes, don''t cry."

"Are you not angry at me for not telling you?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"Because we've been dating for four months, and living together for eight."

"It's alright, pretty boy."

"Doll, can you please not call me pretty? Boys are supposed to be sharp and handsome, not pretty and it always throws me off. I hate it."

"Sure. I don't see you any differently. You're still my hot boyfriend who I live with my entire existence."

"I love you so much. I'm so glad I found you." Mikey whispered, rubbing the pad of his thumb on her cheekbone.

"I'm glad you found me too. Do you want to cuddle and make out more?"

"Yeah." He whispered, his voice was husky and tired, but attractive all together.

Mikey took off his t-shirt all the way this time, throwing it across the room, and attaching his lips to Pete's.

He bit her lower lip, sliding his tongue in while she gasped, and they laid there, making out, for twenty minutes, until Mikey decide to break the kiss and take off his binder.

Pete lay her head down on Mikey's chest and fell asleep there, Mikey stroking her hair.

-

When Pete woke in the morning, her face was on her boyfriend's chest and he was softly breathing, looking down at her.

"Good morning, doll."

"G'morning, Mikes."

-

The first time Mikey went down on her was an odd experience.

Gerard and Lindsey were away at some art fair, and it was just Pete and Mikey.

They were making out in the attic to a Joy Division album, and Mikey was kissing his way down her chest, leaving her to arch her hips up at every little hickey he left.

Mikey slowly pulled down her panties, and kept sucking on her hips, leaving more hickies all over.

"Wait, Pete, I've never given a blowjob before."

"It can't be that hard..."

"You can be, though."

The day went smoothly after that, Pete being sleepy and her post-orgasm glow slowly fading from her cheeks.

-

When they first fought, Pete thought it would be the end. The end of making out in the attic, the end of late night Disney sessions, the end of new presents sitting on her side of the bed once a week, the end of them playing bass together when they cant sleep, the end of them sneaking out to the roof to watch the sunrise.

Pete was hanging out with Mikey's bandmates, occasionally flirting playfully, and Mikey was getting sick of this.

Pete was joking about sucking Frank off, and Mikey was done.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the side.

"Guys, I'm not feelin' so hot, I'm gonna go home." Mikey called out, dragging her by the wrist to his car.

"Pete," He hissed. "Stop flirting with my fucking friends."

They were home, in the living room, and Gerard was out having dinner with some friends from art school.

"You know what?" Pete spat. "I'm sick of you acting like you own me. I'm your girlfriend, not your slave."

"Fuck you." He laughed. "Literally, fuck you! Go to hell! I could care less, since you're so busy flirting with my fucking friends! I don't care what you do, honestly! You can go fuck yourself!" He yelled, his voice slowly raising.

Pete looked up at him and raised her hand to slap him, when he knocked it down to her side.

"Have I ever told you what I think about you? I normally love you, but this- this is fucking bullshit! I was fucking joking, you prick!" She screamed back.

Her face was red with anger, and her fingers were twitching at her side, her throat burning, dying to feel the taste of alcohol on her tongue.

"And you know what, Mikey? Ill be sleeping in the attic for a while." She finished with a smirk, raised her hand, and slapped him in the face.

Mikey gasped.

He grabbed her wrist and began to yell at her again, but her brain drowned out the insults as they came towards her.

The way he grabbed her wrist reminded her of the night that Gabe attacked her.

Her breathing got heavier, and she twisted from his grip, grabbed her phone, and ran up to the attic.

She dialed Lindsey's number, her breathing growing even heavier, as she choked on nothing but her own conscience.

"Pete?"

"Help me, I'm dying an its all my fault, I can't breathe, it's my fault. It's all my fucking f-fault. Fuck I never should have gone out today, I'm dying and it's my fault and now he hates me fuck please help me." She gasped.

"What's happening?"

"I don't know and I'm dying and it's my fault, fuck."

"Pete I'm on my way."

"L-linds, please help me I can't breathe I'm choking on nothing."

Pete hung up the phone.

Ten minutes later she heard banging on the door.

"Pete! Open the fuck up!"

Her stomach was bleeding, and she don't want to stand up.

"It's not locked." She said.

"I'm coming in!"

Lindsey walked in, looking exhausted and anxious.

"Pete, why is there blood on your shirt?" She asked cautiously.

"Why the fuck do you think?" She snapped.

"I got in a fight with Mikey." Pete muttered afterward.

"Oh, babe."

"I need to get some space."

"Come stay with me. You can pack a big for a week and you can stay in the guest room." Lindsey offered.

"I don't want to leave."

"Ill stay here, and you can stay in the attic?"

"Please." She choked out.

"I'm gong to go get you something to eat, alright?"

"Not hungry."

"Pete..." She warned.

"Fine. "

Lindsey an downstairs to find Mikey on a heap on the couch.

"Alright, what the fuck did you do to her?" She hissed.

"I don't know! We were fighting because she was flirting with my friends, and then she ran off after I grabbed her wrist!"

"Do you think you might've, I don't know, triggered her?" She asked.

""Fuck." Mikey muttered.

He ran upstairs, an began banging on the door.

"Pete! I'm sorry! Let me in, please!" He yelled, his voice breaking off.

"I can't I don't want to talk to you, Mikey." She said stubbornly.

"Pete, please. I l-l-like like you."

"You can't even say it!"

"I'm sorry!" He yelled through the door.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because I can't fucking say it!" He screamed, and slid down the door.

"Tell me why!" She pleaded, a cry catching in her throat.

"I can't say it because the last time I said it, she died!" He screamed.

"Fuck you, Mikey Way!" Pete yelled back, her voice getting drowned out by her sobbing.

"Mikey, fuck off." Lindsey said as she entered the room.

Mikey opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was the sound of him choking on his own breath.

-

They made up, eventually.

All it took was them being home alone and Mikey getting into the attic.

He walked into her makeshift bedroom, to see her asleep on the bed.

Her breathing was soft, and he could barely see a sliver of her hips due to the fact that Mikey's old shirt was riding up.

Her hip was littered with little pink marks, thin as a piece of paper and as pink as her favorite pair of panties.

He slowly crept closer toward her, and lifted her shirt up slightly more.

More pink lines.

She turned over in her sleep, and he got a glance at her stomach.

Fucking covered.

"Pete, wake up, doll." He muttered.

Her eyelids fluttered open, and she cursed under her breath.

It had been a week since the flirting incident and Pete needed more alone time.

"Fuck off, asshole."

"Pete, let me see your stomach."

"No."

"Pete..." He warned.

She took the shirt off, and Mikey saw tons of small pink lines on her stomach.

"What the fuck, Pete? Did you do this because of me?" He asked.

"Yeah, feel better about what you said, asshole?"

"Pete, I-"

"Leave alone." She snapped.

"Or...I could take you to dinner and go down on you."

"Fuck off." She snapped.

Mikey raised an eyebrow.

"Fine." She muttered.

Mikey pulled down her panties and decided to tease her, and when he had actually began the real blowjob, Lindsey walked in.

"My eyes!" She screamed, and ran down the stairs, leaving the door open.

Mikey finished her off and quickly pulled the teal panties back up, and dropped a kiss on Pete's lips with a giggle.

He grabbed her hand and dragged her downstairs.

Lindsey and Gerard stared at the odd pair as Mikey dragged Pete into their room

They walked into the closet and Mikey helped Pete pick out an outfit, settling on a shirt of Mikey's that she somehow ended up with and a black skirt with some heels that Gerard had bought her.

Mikey pulled on his denim jacket over his Anthrax t-shirt and his skinny jeans. His boots were black, and had stains on them from getting in fights at bars.

Pete smiled at him, and he took her by the hand.

"Bye, Linds, bye, Gee. We're gong out for dinner."

"Use protection!" Lindsey called back, Mikey flipped her off, of course.

They got in Mikey's car and drove to some obscure restaurant on the other side of town.

-

Their first time was when Gerard and Lindsey went to a convention in Los Angeles.

They were just making out in their room to some album Mikey had put on the night before, and Pete's fingers were running down Mikey's chest.

She began to pull his shirt off and kiss his stomach, as he took off his binder.

He began to pull her shirt off and she pulled it back down.

"D-do I have to take it off"

"No, I'm sorry."

Mikey began to kiss her hips, sucking small bruises on the skin, when Pete shifted uncomfortably in his lap.

"You alright, doll?"

"I'm not sue how I feel about doing this... I don't like my body..."

"It's alright, I'll stop."

"No, don't stop. Just, only take off the essentials. Panties, you know."

"Of course, doll."

Pete was giving Mikey hickies all down his neck when Mikey slid his arms up her shirt, making Pete pull away.

"M-Mikes, I don't wanna show you my chest...please stop."

"I'm sorry, doll."

"You can still, like, do the thing, but like, that's it."

"Alright."

They fell asleep pressed together that night, and Mikey's soft snoring lulled her to sleep.

-

Pete woke before the sun rose, so she grabbed a pen and began to scribble out lyrics on Mikey's forearm.

_you're a canary im a coal mine//sorrows just all the rage//new york eyes//chicago thighs//pushed up the window to kiss you off//the truth hurts worse than anything i could bring myself to do to you//_

She smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead, rolling out of bed.

Lindsey was asleep on the couch, arm draped around Gerard's, and Pete smiled at their platonic domesticity.

She wished she could be like that with Mikey, leaving hickeys all over his neck instead of only stomach to hips.

Sh wishes that she could kiss him when they wee with the guys, and that hugging wasn't past their limits.

Later that day, when Mikey woke up, he saw the note on his arm.

"Is this about last night, doll?"

"Kind of? I just like using you as a notepad."

"Do you now?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to tell me what it means?'

"Uh...No? Lyrics are too personal, sorry."

"It's alright."

When Pete insisted on going to band practice, Mikey realized that he had left hickeys on her neck and she had on his.

She had cleverly covered hers up with concealer, making it less suspicious.

Frank whistled as Mikey walked into the apartment.

"Someone got laid!" He laughed, and then looked down at Mikey's forearm, seeing the lyrics drawled across.

"Goodbye note from your. one night stand?"

"Not a one night stand, I don't get those. Just some lyrics I couldn't get out of my head."

"Oh. Cool. Then why are they on your writing hand?"

"U-uh..."

"Did you get laid then? A girlfriend? Anything?"

Pete looked down at her feet, and on a whim, grabbed Mikey's hand.

"Yeah. A girlfriend." She grinned.

Frank wolf-whistled, and Mikey slapped him on the arm.

"So when did this happen?" Ray asked, pointedly raising an eyebrow.

"Like, four months ago?"

"Okay, but why didn't we know about this?"

"I don't know? Maybe because you guys would tease us?"

"I wouldn't- Frank would." Ray said, shooting lasers into Frank's back with his eyes.

"Hey!" Frank protested. "I so wouldn't!"

Pete shot him a look, a look that said 'you so would'.

"What...Pfft...That's bullshit!"

"Is it now?" Mikey asked.

"Yes! Total, complete, one-hundred percent bullshit!"

"Shut up, Frank. Stop giving 'em hell about it." Ray said.

Band practice continued as usual, Frank spinning his ass off, and Ray staying in one place.

-

Mikey and Pete were lying in bed one evening, fingers interlocked, when Gerard called for them to come out for dinner.

He had actually cooked, or maybe Lindsey did, because the food didn't look burnt.

Lindsey was sitting right next to him.

"Yo, what's up?" Mikey asked.

"Uh, god-I can't believe I'm saying these things but, um...You guys need to find your own place soon. Uh, well, like, Lindsey and I, we're kind of dating, we kind of have been for like, a year, and she's kind of, pregnant. Which means we'll need room for the baby." Gerard stammered out.

"Are you kicking us out? What the fuck, Gerard?" Mikey asked, letting his hand fall to Pete's thigh, where she grabbed onto it and held it for dear life.

"Mikes, I-I'm sorr-"

"Don't be." He snapped. "We'll start packing next week, right Doll?"

"Yes. We will." Pete muttered, and Mikey rubbed her thigh comfortingly, and she hummed softly.

"I know that this is all sudden, and I'm sorry. I can help you find a place to stay, if you'd like."

"No," Pete said. "I think we'll do just fine."

"Mikes, I'm really so so-"

"Cut the shit, Gerard. We get it." He said icily, and stood up from the table, leaving his food to get cold and his chair out.

"I'm sorry, Gee. It's just a shock to us both, I'll go check on 'im."

She ran out, pushing her chair in, to find her boyfriend.

He was sat on the roof, flask in hand.

"This is bullshit," he muttered. "Bullshit, I've lived here since high school and now he's fucking kicking me out!"

He began to laugh, he began to ry.

He lay his head on Pete's shoulder, and she pushed him onto his back, draped the blanket over him, and nuzzled her head onto his arm.

They fell asleep together, on the roof, and woke to the sun rising over the horizon.

-

They had found an apartment.

It was a loft, to be specific, and Mikey had found it while skateboarding around town and called the number.

They would have had to rent it, but since it was apparently 'a work in progress', the owner wanted it off his hands, so he sold it to them.

Mikey's college fund went into it.

They painted it together, overalls and pinstriped caps.

The walls were brick, in the kitchen and living room anyway. The bedroom had olive green walls, and Pete decided that she was going to be an 'artist' for a day, and she painted it light blue.

Light blue like the pastel icing she had made, light blue like the polish on her fingernails, light blue, like the sun rising after a storm.

They moved their stuff in two weeks later.

-

Mikey groaned in bed, his stomach cramps kicking in.

It was his dreaded time of the month.

Pete drove out in their shitty old van to get him some tampons, chocolate, and a movie from Redbox.

She obviously picks Big Eyes, because why the fuck not?

Mikey lays in bed with her all day, fingers interlocked, lips brushing, and cold toes sticking out from under the small blanket (well, in Mikey's case, the middle of his calf and below).

Mikey's lips tasted like black coffee and wine, giving him the 'pretentious punk asshole' aesthetic he had been searching for since high school.

They also had a slight twinge of blood, and Pete could tell he had stated to bite his lip again.

His skin tasted like sweat, vanilla, and slightly like Pete's favorite perfume.

Pete loved him- she would give her life for him, but more importantly, she would live for him.

There have been countless nights when Mikey had come home from work to see her sitting on the bathroom floor, eyes on a bottle of pills and drunk out of her mind.

There have been countless nights when he's come home to her staring at the ceiling, counting on her fingers, eyes closed, crying under her breath.

Countless nights where she's sobbed into his shoulder about how unfair life was, countless nights where she's whispered into his ear suicide notes she never wrote out, where she's traced his arms while muttering about wanting to die.

Nights that weren't as common were the nights that he found her on the roof again, somehow. Probably the skylight that Mikey had left open again. Nights that were uncommon were the nights Mikey called 911, because Pete had overdosed in a Best Buy parking lot, or in her own white-tiled bathroom.

Those nights all happened because she forgot to take her medicine.

Mikey talked her down every time.

He muttered sweet nothings into her ear and whispered his love. He kissed her stomach and neck and everywhere in between.

He needed to keep her.

-

They were at one of Mikey's shows, and the band was playing, and the crowd was thrashing along.

Now, mosh pits are dangerous.

The crowd that night happened to be especially rambunctious and knocked Pete into the mosh pit.

"Stop!" Gerard called out to the crowd. "Someone help her up."

A boy with blue hair grabbed Pete by the hand, and introduced himself.

"I'm Josh. That's Tyler, they're my best friend."

"Cool. I'm Pete. Also called Mikey Way's girlfriend."

"Nice. "

After the show, Mikey grabbed Pete by the hand and dragged her backstage

"So," He said. "This was technically the only show anybody got thrown in the pit."

Pete giggled in response.

"I love you." She said.

"So who was the kid who helped you up?"

"Some Josh dude?"

"Cool, wanna bring him back?"

"Sure."

She went out back to the stage where the club was already half-empty and spotted the blue haired boy.

"Hey, you! Come here!" She called out. "Bring your friend too!"

Josh and Tyler headed backstage.

"Hey," Josh grinned. "I'm Josh. That's Tyler. They've been my friend forever?"

"They?"

"They're gender fluid Cool, right?"

"Totally."

"They're also selective mute but it doesn't bother Jenna and I."

"Cool. So I wanted to thank you for saving my girlfriend's life earlier."

"Oh yeah, no problem! If it's not kind, it's not punk rock."

"Exactly!" Mikey mused.

He pulled up his jacket sleeves, exposing the tattoos he had on his arm.

Pete looked at his arm and wondered why she never traced them while lying in bed. Her head was spinning and she probably needed water.

"You alright over there doll?" Mikey asked her.

"Hmmm..." She said dazily.

Her vision field faded to black, and felt Mikey's strong arms catch her.

-

She woke up in Mikey's arms, in the backseat of their van.

Tyler and Josh were sitting in the front, listening to music! and Mikey shot her a concerned look.

"You alright, doll?" He asked, his voice hoarse from a lack of sleep.

"Y-yeah. Need water." She choked out.

"Josh? The bottle?" He called, and Josh threw back a water bottle that definitely wasn't Nestlé (and thank god for that).

She chugged the bottle in less than a minute, and curled up in Mikey's arms.

"'Love you." She muttered.

"Love you too, doll."

He set her in the middle of the car and buckles her up.

"Here you go, baby girl ." he whispered.

He drove Tyler and Josh to their houses and took Pete home, laying her down in their bed and falling asleep next to her.

-

Pete woke up to a small humming next to her, and she looks over to see Mikey, half-asleep and smoking his cigarette on the bed.

"What happened to your manners, boy?" She asked jokingly.

"Met you, doll."

"Wanna go out later? For milkshakes?"

"Yeah, sure. Steak 'n' Shake? At... seven?"

"Totally." She grinned, "Love you."

"I was worried about you last night, passing out on me backstage. Tyler and Josh stuck around to see you were okay. " Mikey said, inhaling a long drag of smoke, and blowing out, as he spoke.

"Sorry. I don't know what come over me. I was dehydrated, probably."

"Probably." Mikey agreed.

She leaned over and kissed him on the eye, getting up to go make breakfast.

She was still wearing her outfit from last night, Mikey's denim jacket and a miniskirt. Her eyeliner was smudged and her hair was still curled from sweat.

She began to make them both eggs, and after burning four, she settled on dinner from the night before, which was pepperoni pizza.

"Man, I'm so lucky that I have you. So, so, lucky." Mikey muttered, wrapping his arms around her and settling his chin on her head.

"I'm even luckier that you take care of me. Remember my parents kicked me out."

"Yeah. They were assholes anyway, you know that."

"Can we like... not talk about this? I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's alright, Doll."

"Thanks, babe. Do you want cold pizza?"

"Sure. Yo, do we have any coffee?"

"You finished it yesterday morning."

"Oh. Okay. What do we have?"

"We have like, all of the Coke. And maybe some other sodas?"

"Cool. Can I have a can of Coke?"

"Yeah." She tossed the can at him, and he caught in perfectly.

She set their pizza down on the table and Mikey talked about how Gerard had called all of them last night, saying the band needed to break up.

"He just goes, "This band isn't working out, it's doing nothing for my health but making it worse. I need to be there for Bandit."

"You alright, babe?"

"Yeah, I just- I can't anymore. I can't even be in the band that's saved my life countless times."

"You wanna take a day? We don't have to go to get milkshakes tonight. I can make some."

"Can we please?"

"As long as you're okay."

That day turned to weeks, and those weeks turned to months.

All they ever did was fight. They never touched anymore, their fingers didn't brush anymore, they didn't kiss anymore.

Mikey began drinking.

It got worse as the days went on, both of them miserable.

One night it got especially bad.

Mikey was drunk (again) and he came home.

He was yelling things at her again, crude, horrible things.

She flashed back to the night she met him, and her breathing hitched.

She ran to their van and drove.

She drove for miles, driving until the sun rose.

She found herself at a beach.

She had never seen the ocean.

She found herself sitting on the shore, on the roof of her car.

She took a long drag of her cigarette as the sun rose, sitting in the chilly morning air.

She knew Mikey would still be awake, sobering up and throwing up until he passed out.

She missed the days where they would lay down in bed and cuddle all day.

She missed the days where they would go out for hours, the days where they would drive all day to go to a show, the days that they would be so domestic that it hurt- the days of them.

The days where Mikey held her close.

The days where he would stop her tears and hold her, the days where he held her hands and pulled her along.

He was Peter and she was Wendy, he was her Augustus and she was Hazel, but this time, he wouldn't be the one dying.

She took a deep breath.

She was doing it.

She was going to fall into the darkness of the black water and never come back. She would never see Mikey's toothy grin again, but it's alright, because she hadn't seen it in months. She was never going to feel his skim hot against hers, but it's alright. She hadn't felt it in months. She was never going to attend another show of his, but that was the best, because it would stop the flashbacks. It would stop the static. It would stop the noise- permanently this time.

The noise would stop, the ache in her heart would stop, the pain in her throat when she went through the photos of her and Mikey. The knot in her stomach would go away, the tear in her armor, completely gone. The butterflies that flooded her stomach the day of their first kiss was back, and she let out a small giggle.

Her giggle turned into a manic laugh as she sat inside her car and got out the notepad.

She grabbed a Sharpie and started writing.

She stuck the finished note on the windshield the heading reading "to my love, Mikey,"

_"Im sorry. I've been pushed to my breaking point time after time, and I love you. Tell Lindsey that I'll miss her. Tell Gabe I'm sorry for ruining his life and most importantly- tell yourself it's not your fault Because it isn't Its my fault. I haven't been taking my medicine and I've been drinking again_

_If I make it (I won't) keep me safe again at night. the butterflies have returned, and this time, they're lifting me towards style sea. it just started to rain, and I can't look up, because I don't want a rain drop in my eye, and I'm on a march to the sea._

_I'll see you when heaven an hell collide: I?ll come for you one day, my love._

_Mikey Way, my love, fare well._

_I'll see you hen the rapture comes._

_It's me, and my plus one in the after life._

_I'd you want me, just hum hallelujah_

_Just off the key of reason- just the way we like it._

_\- p_

Her laughing became crying, and she slowly made her way to the ocean. She slid her converse off and she walked into the sea.

Her hair wet around her neck she didn't breathe in the water.

She was like that for a few minutes, until someone dragged her to shore, and she looked up through flickering eyelids.

"Shush, honey. I called 911, and you're safe."

She ended up in a hospital, ties to an IV barely breathing.

Pete Wentz passed away at age twenty-two, in a hospital bed, holding Mikey's hand.

"Hum hallelujah" She muttered, with her last dying breath, as Mikey yelled for the doctors to save her one last time.

-

Hen he got the letter in the mail, he holed himself up in their room for weeks.

He sobbed, splotching the ink.

H read through the note, but this brain was static.

He had one thought in his head, looping over and over again.

His brain went to static.

-

He left the house for her funeral, hosted by her parents.

He brought her favorite dress, the red one that Jimmy had bought her, and lay it over the black suit her parents had dressed her in. Her extensions had been removed, and Mikey bit back a tear.

He wished that he could say the ulogy he had written in his head, but it was all too much.

He shook hands with Gabe Saporta, and he met Willow Beckett.

His kindness felt forced, and he only knew a few people.

He drove straight home afterward.

-

Epilogue-

He met Kristin a few years later, when he was twenty-three, and they were married by twenty-five.

She always held him at night when he missed Pete.

She had a baby when she was twenty-four, and Mikey took care of them.

When he was thirty, they moved across the country, to California, and she had another daughter.

He took care of the three of them, and they watched out for him.

He was thirty-nine when a passing car hit him.

He was in the hospital for a month, before passing away, his last words directed at nobody in particular- hum hallelujah.

-

~fin~


End file.
